I fell asleep to the weight of your body pressing against mine, your breath against my neck woke me in the silent hours of early morning and I could not stop my hands from roaming.
Along every curve of your form, fingers stream soft and light mere seconds passed before my lips followed suit, savoring the softness as I rounded over your shoulder, travelled down your back.
Molding my body against yours, I pushed myself in near and sweet every rise of your chest pressing my breasts into and I felt you stir, No words this morning, darling, let me love you in silence.
As my hand found purchase and you rolled over just enough, giving me your mouth, I knew that the dawn would rise - hot and delicious Rocking with the receding moon, I breached your horizons and sent us both sailing across the flaming skies.
WOW It's clear that you know what you're writing about, out of experience Everything is so romantic... so alluring... so sexy Every move made me feel like I could actually be a part of it! Every verse made me breathe harder and read more... You have a hypnotic way with words, displaying what you see and feel through beautiful imagery and introducing the reader in your world! Amazing poem! I think I'd go crazy if I were to be whispered these verses to, by my girlfriend which gives me an idea *Shhhhhhhhh!* The ending was incredible as well! Nice touch!
That was absolutely amazing! So sweet, so tender, and as Alexe said, sexy. I don't see the inconsitancies at all. All I see is an excellent wow poem. :D
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"Our mothers and fathers held us close to their hearts and they promised 'One bright and shining day my children, we will triumph in battle. One bright and shining day my children, we will give you back your wings.' " - PL: S&W
I thought this was wonderfully descriptive, and I liked the sensual but strictly descriptive feel most of the poem had - the "hot and delicious" line seems to be where it breaks its consistency a little, and I'm not entirely sold on the final remark - it tells what we already know is going on.
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"Life is too important to be taken seriously" - Oscar Wilde
Why would you avoid rewriting? To me, that seems like trying to lift a certain amount of weight on a specific workout machine, not being able to lift it, so you walk away and never use the machine that targets that muscle group again - we can't fix mistakes we've made in life, why force poetry into that same prison?
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"Life is too important to be taken seriously" - Oscar Wilde
For me, not rewriting a poem is not a prison, it's a freedom. I spend so much time perfecting longer writes that poetry is an outlet where I do not have to be as perfect as I tend to make myself be. There are those that I will tinker with until I feel it's as smooth as possible and then others that come off the cuff, I don't bother fussing over. Depends on my mood, really. If I feel it's worth the redoing, I'll do so before I give my final "blessing", otherwise, it goes as is and that's that.
~Lady Poe
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"..I don't care for your fairytales... - Sara Bareilles
which gives me an idea 
