Wow, very chilling this prose. I enjoyed the imagery you have in here - very vivid. Great job here! :)
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"Our mothers and fathers held us close to their hearts and they promised 'One bright and shining day my children, we will triumph in battle. One bright and shining day my children, we will give you back your wings.' " - PL: S&W
I am going to have to offer some constructive criticism on this piece.
Re-read this and work on grammar. The first paragraph is very hard to follow and I have to read it with corrections to get an understanding of what you are saying - ex: moral should be morale and "for such affinity to grief strikes all beings in awe" Ok some how I lost half my post, let's try this again... Grief is a noun, not a verb, and to grieve strikes.. doesn't make sense, I think it is the double verb combo represented, or the word (to).
I get a vision of wintry despair in this, even tho' I love the winter and those dark, heavy skies.
If you choose to rewrite this, I'd love to read it again.
Oh and one more thing, this line here:
"I'm falling, you're falling, they're falling, we're falling and failing to yield through" :)
Happy Writing, ~Poe
-- Edited by Lady Poe at 09:27, 2008-01-21
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"..I don't care for your fairytales... - Sara Bareilles
Lady Poe wrote: Re-read this and work on grammar. The first paragraph is very hard to follow and I have to read it with corrections to get an understanding of what you are saying - ex: moral should be morale and "for such affinity to grief strikes all beings in awe" Ok some how I lost half my post, let's try this again... Grief is a noun, not a verb, and to grieve strikes.. doesn't make sense, I think it is the double verb combo represented, or the word (to).
thanks alot for the words, I really understand and appreciate your input but what I meant there was that the very "affinity to (or 'for') grief" is the one "striking" all beings in awe... anyway, I know it's messed up here and there I'll go over it again, soon thanks, and sorry for the late reply
