* this is one of my older trials of breaking out of my shell and discovering my more passionate side*
My hands will do this:
Fingers entwine within your hair As my lips touch here and there Then theyll move oh so slow From your jaw to chin and go Over each shoulder, lingering While my tongue is bringing Forth your own to meet my kiss Heat between us flames persist! Yet my hands will not stop Running low along the top Of each rib and stomach where I know I shall delight right there Further still, they will move Until I have a hold on you And then they'll tease Aim to please Send you soaring high Elicit forth softest sigh
My lips with do this:
But my mouth will swallow breath While my fingers do not rest Upon you, love, every inch And then perhaps I shall switch And drop to my knees So you shall see That shyness left with the day And I'm bound to have my way With you. Wrapped around my tongue Oh! but now I've just begun! To indulge within sinful delight As I raise you to newer heights! Sweet kisses delivered so sweet Inhaling scent, absorbing heat Until no more can I endure Then I'll take you to the floor And leave you begging for more As the inner parts of me explore;
I will do this:
Wrap my legs around you sure Move with you slow but good Allow you to see a part of me Wicked and quite devilishly Persistent when it come to love And the desires of Your body, which I take as mine Time after time after time.
-dragonpoe 4/28/06
-- Edited by Lady Poe at 19:17, 2007-07-31
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"..I don't care for your fairytales... - Sara Bareilles
Great moments of enjambment in this one, and most of the rhymes flowed naturally. Your punctuation was a little iffy at times - I know you don't re-write, but a little comma clean-up could help the readability of this piece :)
Very descriptive though, and I found myself being reminded of being with someone - so nice work :)
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"Life is too important to be taken seriously" - Oscar Wilde
hahahah bravestone you are too much! Thank you my friend.
Relient - oh dear, did I go comma crazy as I am prone to do?????? Please never hesitate to point out grammatical errors THOSE kinds of fixer-uppers I do make!!! Let's see how many commas I can eradicate!
thank you both for reading. :) ~Lady Poe
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"..I don't care for your fairytales... - Sara Bareilles
It's not necessarily too many - if a sentence isn't a complete sentence, try not to punctuate it as such. Semi-colons, colons, hyphens, dashes, comma - they all are tools to help a reader know where he stands in a mass of words. It's a tricky business, but vital.
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"Life is too important to be taken seriously" - Oscar Wilde
I think I took out 5 total, and oh yes, there were too many!
bravestone, has mary been talking to you?? I am the Comma Queen. Was the Adverb Demon, but I cured myself of that infliction!!!!!! But I must confess, I do love the comma, something cute about that little hook I need help. ;O) ~Lady Poe
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"..I don't care for your fairytales... - Sara Bareilles
Lol!!! You all are too funny! As for the poem Poe, I found it very sensual and as bravestone said, erotic. Passion was beaming out of the stanzas! :) Lovely job.
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"Our mothers and fathers held us close to their hearts and they promised 'One bright and shining day my children, we will triumph in battle. One bright and shining day my children, we will give you back your wings.' " - PL: S&W
